best wedding RSVP

A Chicago couple has a great sense of humor.  Their RSVP card for their wedding gave guests (attending or not) a chance to give reasons for their decision.  Katie Kerr and Chris Sabino just wanted to have fun with it.  Here's the text:

Yes! I will be attending because…

-Two words: Free. Booze.

-I’m in your wedding party, idiot. Wait, is this optional?

-This is my only chance to play golf at Medinah & I plan on sneaking off during the toasts to play a quick round.

-I would never dream of missing it! After all, knowing the Kerr/Sabino Family (circle one) this should be a night full of must-see fun/drama/ridiculous dancing (circle one)!

No. I won’t be attending because…

-I’m lame. On a scale of one to ten, my lameness would be in the 9.5 to 9.8 range.

-I’ll be watching the Cubs win the World Series

Edit: these options are meant to be circumstances that could actually happen.

-I will be visiting, um, Yemen. Yeah, Yemen. But it’s a secret trip. So if you ask anyone, they will have no clue what you’re talking about.

-I don’t know who you people are or how you got my address. Leave me alone! (Oh, and congrats on your upcoming nuptials.)

great humor